Vanderpump Rules S7 E1 – A Decent Proposal

Vanderpump Rules Season 7 Episode 1
The cast of Vanderpump Rules | Photo Courtesy of NBC Universal / Bravo

Vanderpump Rules S7 E1 – Episode Overview

This article overviews Vanderpump Rules Season 7 Episode 1, entitled “A Decent Proposal.” In this episode, we get an update on what has been happening with Lisa Vanderpump, Jax and Brittany, Tom and Ariana, Tom and Katie, James Kennedy, Lala and her man, and the restaurant SUR where they all work. Oh, and let’s not forget about Jiggy.

Welcome back to SUR, where the player plays

The seventh season’s first episode starts with the SUR crew setting up for another “See You Next Tuesday” event with James Kennedy on the mic. James is chatting at the bar with Tom and Ariana. James shares that he dropped a few choice lyrics about Jax and Faith, a former SURver that Jax had relations. Tom and Ariana try to encourage James to back off the edgy lyrics, but nobody tells the “White Kaye” what to do. As a side note, I’m not sure how somebody yelling about who boned who on a microphone over the top of loud dance music contributes to a Sexy, Unique Restaurant (SUR). Unique, maybe, but definitely not sexy.

The problem with the lyrics was that Brittany, Jax’s girlfriend, just happened to be standing there. Brittany was so upset she had to leave. This earned James a slew of death threat texts from his most beloved absynthe drinking buddy, Jax.

Cast Members in Mourning

Lisa V. and Ken Todd show up at the restaurant to see what’s happening. They chat with Layla, whose dad had recently passed away.  Then, we learn that Lisa’s older brother committed suicide five weeks prior. Lisa took his death hard, isolating herself in her Beverly Hills home for weeks. Later in the episode, we learn that Jax lost his father.

Scheana Gets Dumped

Next, we cut over to Scheana and learn that her boyfriend, Tom from Season 6, broke up with her. Get this, he invites her over to his house and makes her wait while he chooses his Fantasy Football team (it was draft day). Then he breaks up with her. I guess she didn’t make the cut. 

Jax Confronts the White Kanye

Jax heads to SUR and confronts James about what he said about Brittany. Jax suggests they take the conversation outside, but James declines “because he’s working.” Otherwise, he would have taken Jax outback and bled all over him. Jax un-invites James from all future functions, which James feels is “very hurtful.” James is the human personification of the phrase, “ask for forgiveness instead of permission.” He’s always apologizing for his actions. Jax leaves the restaurant, and James continues living with his limbs attached.

Stassi has a New Beau.

In the next scene, we catch up with Stassi and her new beau, who is appropriately named…Beau. After four years of dating Patrick, the walking douche, the two broke up so Patrick could share his doucheness with the world. I can’t say that I’m sorry to see him go.

Beau seems to be a normal guy, which Stassi needs. At least initially, I give him the BravoFanatic seal of approval. We watch as Stassi and Beau meet Tom Schwartz and Jax for drinks. Tom shares his firm grasp of finger counting as he explains his brilliant method of reducing his alcohol consumption. Three shots or six baby shots. Is there such a thing as a baby shot glass? Jax shares with the group that he plans to propose to Brittany, news that he can’t seem to keep to himself.

Girls’ Day Out Piercing

Next, we jump over to Katie, LaLa, and Kristen to get things pierced. LaLa is finally able to reveal the name of her “man,” which is Randall. Randall’s divorce is final, and they are now an official, public thing. The group has a chat about Kristen’s favorite topic, James Kennedy. LaLa reveals that James made a crass comment about LaLa right before Rand, after which LaLa decided to swear off any friendship with Britt Brat.

Lisa, Ken, Jiggy, Tom x 2

Lisa, a red-faced Ken, and Jiggy swing by Villa Blanca, which is absolutely beautiful. Tom Sandoval and Tom Schwartz discuss TomTom, their joint venture bar/restaurant. Lisa asks the two for an update, as she’s been out of touch for a while. Tom and Tom have been working on a list of signature cocktails, which seem promising. However, the two share some rather expensive ideas, suggesting they still don’t understand the business side of things too well. Lisa guides them to keep their eye on the ball and lets them know that Pandora has already prepared a cocktail list, cutting off Tom Sandoval’s entire scrotum in one quick slash.

Wait, WHAT?

Next, we join Brittany and Stassi, who walk the dogs in the beautiful California weather. Stassi is THE WORST at keeping a secret. Luckily Brittany has no clue. Brittany fills in the blanks regarding what happened last season when she and Jax broke up for a while. We learn that Brittany “hung out with her ex-boyfriend,” and Jax found out. WAIT A MINUTE! Did anyone know that Brittany’s ex was a black guy?

Ring Shopping Envy

Jax, Tom, and Tom go ring shopping. Sandoval finds it awkward that Jax and Brittany get married before he and Ariana. I feel for him. Tom and Ariana are a great couple, but I don’t think Ariana wants to get married. I’m sure we’ll see what’s going on in their relationship throughout season 7.

Jax explains to the Toms that it became clear that Brittany is his soulmate when his dad passed away. Jax was headed into a deep hole of depression and self-destruction, and Brittany pulled him out of it. More than likely, she had Jax hold on to her big ole’ Kentucky boobs, which helped him come to his senses. Jax shares that he’s spending a big chunk of the money his father left him on the ring for Brittster.

Stassi Can’t Keep a Secret

Snapback to Tom and Katie’s immaculate apartment, and Kristen speculates that Jax will propose to Britt that night. F’ing Stassi can’t hold her mud and spills it on the others.

A Decent Proposal

Meanwhile, Jax and Britt are headed to a restaurant called Neptune’s Net in Malibu. After they use the restaurant’s luxurious outdoor Port-a-Potties, they head inside. Jax is so nervous that he draws headshakes from Neptune’s finest as he tries to get through ordering food.

Jax has to scheme to pull the giant ring box out of the front of his pants when Brittany isn’t looking. Ultimately, Jax gets down on one knee and pulls off everything beautifully. Brittany happily cried and let out a big Kentucky. “I’m engaged!”

Questions and Comments

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