Recap of Season 3 Episode 1 of Summer House on Bravo TV
The third season of Bravo’s hit TV series, Summer House, returned on March 4th, 2019. Season 3 Episode 1
However, some original cast members decided not to return, including Stephen McGee and the Wirkus Twins, Lauren and Ashley.
The Summer House Opens
The first episode of season 3 begins with an updated version of the opening credits. The cast members navigate the hustle and bustle of New York City as they prepare for another summer in The Hamptons.
Kyle and Amanda arrive at the Summer House first and look around. Being the only actual “couple” in the house, they claim the upstairs master bedroom. Last season, they lost out on the master bedroom to the overbearing Lauren Wirkus, or as Kyle calls her, “the wildebeest.”
In the next scene, Lindsay is wrapping up a photoshoot for excessivesideboob.com and is on her way to pick up Danielle. Since the previous season, Lindsay and Danielle have become BFFs. Danielle has a new job as a Tech Product Manager and is also looking forward to a wildebeest-free summer. The Berzerkus was exceptionally hard on her last season.
On the way to The Hamptons, they call Carl (a.k.a. “Carlito”) to see what’s up. Carl is also in a new job and working late to ensure he meets his quarterly sales quota. He plans to take a train later in the day.
Next, we get a peek into the drama that unfolded during the “
Lindsay claims that the group wasn’t intentionally leaving Amanda out. She isn’t one of her close friends. Plus, I think they were all sick (or is it jealous?) of always seeing Kyle and Amanda’s “perfect couple” posts.
The result is that Kyle sends a 17-page novella to the group, calling them out for their behavior, essentially pouring gasoline on the fire. He magically lays the groundwork for an explosive season at Summer House.
Let the Tension Begin
Kyle and Amanda unpacked supplies at the house and made dinner for their first night. The next housemates to arrive are newbies Jordan, a media executive, and Hannah, a video content creator. The two work together but are not a couple. Hannah says, “Jordan is a sweet guy, but he’s looking for a sweet southern belle. And I’m a ratchet girl from Brooklyn who speaks her mind.”
Hannah usually spends time with her family on Shelter Island. Unfortunately, she complains that “it’s just hard to catch some D when you’re napping on your parents’ couch all summer.” So, no, Hannah is not the southern belle type.
Next to arrive is another newbie, Paige, a fashion writer who works with Jordan and Hannah. Jordan reveals that he’s the only straight man in an office of 20 women, and it’s heaven. Paige grew up in upstate New York in a conservative, Catholic, Italian family. She went to an all-girls school and wasn’t allowed to date when growing up. Her parents were horrified when they found out she would stay in the Hamptons house for the entire summer. After seeing the previews for the rest of the season, I think their true horror is yet to come.
As the tension continues to build, Lindsay and Danielle finally arrive. Despite her anger over Kyle’s 17-page rant, Lindsay doesn’t want to walk in throwing punches. However, their nonchalant attitude doesn’t sit well with Amanda. She feels they can’t cut her off and then act as if nothing happened.
Lindsay and Danielle start chatting with Jordan. Lindsay thinks Jordan comes off as a “douche” on his Instagram. Yet, he’s a douche with a hot body. Danielle is more than willing to overlook that to see him naked. Immediately, she demonstrates her interest in the old “hair flip with a giggle and a bicep squeeze” technique.
Next, the group discussion turned to room choices, and everyone agreed. HOWEVER, Danielle is concerned about Kyle and Amanda’s room being so close to the true “late-nighters” in the group. What follows is about five minutes of complete awkwardness that nearly ends with Paige calling her mom. Yes, it was that serious.
Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?
Half of the group gets comfortable in sweats and prepares for a quiet evening at home, while the other half prepares for dinner. At about 9:30 PM, Carl arrives at an already divided house. After saying hello, he’s forced to choose between staying in or going out.
Carl decides to go to dinner with the “late-nighters,” which includes Hannah, Lindsay, and Danielle. The group hits the Jue Lan Club in Southampton and starts with a round of sake (aka motor oil).
After the shot, Hannah asks Carl what type of girl he likes. And, much to my surprise, Carl gives a very specific answer. He likes women who are smart, funny, have good skin, are athletic, and are good in bed. Danielle gives him several eye rolls because she dated Carl in the past, and she’s sure she checks off all those boxes.
Meanwhile, at the ranch, Kyle, Amanda, Jordan, and Paige sit down for a quiet evening at home. Paige could not look more bored and was sure she picked the wrong dinner. In sharp contrast, Jordan is fine with the “double date” setup.
Later, the late-nighters return to the house to hit the hot tub.
Kyle gets up to check on the margarita machine, like a parent checking on a baby in the middle of the night. As he returns to bed, Amanda shares wisdom: “You can tell how old you are by how much your balls sag.” Dear Bravo, please upgrade your video pixelation capabilities.
Hot Tub Revelations
Hannah, Danielle, Lindsay, and Lindsay’s widely separated boobs get in the hot tub. They start chatting about Kyle, and Lindsay drops a bombshell. She says Kyle cheated on Amanda with another woman, so she unfollowed Amanda. Wait, what?
Day 2 Begins
As the second day begins, Carl and Kyle catch up on the back porch. The two share their thoughts on Hannah and Paige. Admirably, Carl shares that he is trying to turn over a new leaf and no longer wants to be someone’s “f*ckboy.
While Hannah and Paige decide who’s hot and who’s not, Hannah mentions that she finds Carl very easy to flirt with. Then, she asks Paige, “Would she rather f*ck Carl or Jordan?” Paige was so shocked by the bluntness of her question that she couldn’t even answer. She is uncomfortable with openly talking about sex, while Hannah is on the opposite end of the spectrum.
Hannah and Jordan hit the tennis court for a quick game. Here, we find out that Hannah played tennis and almost went pro. She was ranked 15th in the nation and 250th globally at one point. Very impressive! During the game, she shares what might be the quote of the episode:
“I feel free this summer. I can do whatever I want. I can stay in and do light reading. Or, I can go out and grind on random dudes until 4 am. The summer is my oyster.”
In the next scene, Carl decides to run to the store. Paige decides to tag along as well. On the way to the store, Carl and Paige get to know each other. Carl reveals that Paige is the type he goes for, but he doesn’t necessarily want to get in her pants.
Hannah and Danielle are back in the hot tub, and they invite Jordan to join. Danielle shares the other quote from the episode in the interview segment: “I work hard during the week, so I can get to The Hampton’s on the weekend and get after it. And that means getting after, you know, dick.” And then Lionel Richie walks into the room and sings, “Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady.”
Next, everyone gets ready and heads to a local restaurant for dinner. On the way, Lindsay acknowledges that some drama needs to be resolved. Yet, after the group gets seated, she immediately provokes Kyle with a comment: “How do you feel about commitment now?” This immediately changes the tone of the evening.
After an awkward silence, Lindsay decides to cover the Summer House Rules. After that discussion, Hannah asks, “Who’s your favorite new person?” Lindsay takes it upon herself to give the following backhanded compliments to Jordan, Hannah,
- “Jordan, I thought you were a douche, but you’re not.”
- “Hannah, you’re more sarcastic than I’ve ever experienced.”
- “Paige, you are way more genuine than you come across.”
You’re the Elephant in the Room
After that train wreck, Danielle shovels praise on all three new people, which feels like a jab at Kyle and Amanda. She says she would like the opportunity to address the drama between them separately. Kyle responds, “I said everything I had to say in my email, which was unanswered.” Here we go…
Before things get out of control, Carl attempts to step in and squash the conversation. It’s just not the time or place. As a result, he and Danielle begin to exchange words. Danielle says, “I’m just trying to address the elephant in the room.” Then, Carl replies, “Right now, you’re the elephant in the room.” Then, Kyle adds, “Danielle, you’re f*cking bonkers tonight.”
Comments
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